where are my words

It is strange how words work. I feel like when I need them most, I fail to find them. When my brain is in overdrive, they are whirring around and I cannot snatch the ones I need. Writing is my expression. A way of taming the runaway thoughts and pulling them together. My process.

The last two weeks have been a discombobulated heap. Life threw us a wonky curveball when Thor injured himself pretty significantly. We immediately jumped into auto-pilot mode. Living the motto of “Do What You Gotta Do”. Get to the appointments. Argue with the insurance company. Make the phone calls. Arrange the sitters. Fly by the seat of your pants and keep moving.

The immediacy of the needs was doable. Make the list. Check things off. Adjust as needed.

It was the bigger picture that was fuzzy. For an athlete, a guy who is everything active and competitive, this meniscus injury was terrifying. A mental game of stillness and waiting. An uncertain future. And, an insatiable need to move and challenge and compete and play that was no more.

What does it all mean? Where do we go from here?

We say thanks a thousand times over for Thor’s incredible employer and their flexibility and willingness to support us as he works through this.

We find the best damn orthopedic surgeon in the Pacific Northwest. Who specializes in sports related injuries. We drive down to Seattle at a moment’s notice and walk the halls of NBA jerseys and meet the man who repairs professional athletes.

We rely on friends and family and hear the words “We got this. You do what you need to do.” over and over.

We cry and fret. And, worry and hug. We ask questions we have no answers for.

We eat meals prepared with love and dropped in coolers on front porches.

We set our sights on “healing” instead of existing and get the surgery on the calendar.

We remember that self care too often falls by the wayside and is of critical importance right now. The very serum that makes dealing, juggling and doing possible in these moments.

We put one foot in the front of the other and keep moving. Because there is no other way to go except forward.

We shift our energies and make peace with the unknown that is the here and now.

And, I find the words. The words that spill fast and reckless like a broken bag of marbles, but bring great settling as they shift and splay on the floor.

Tomorrow is surgery.

And, so begins the healing.

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