There is part of my body that does not exist. I do not touch it. I do not feel it. It is not a room in my sacred temple. A black hole of non-existence.
Like most things that do exist, but remain ignored, it is not a quiet place that has backed away from view. It is loud. In your face. Demanding of love, attention and energy. It is there. Always. In my mind, my view, my thoughts. Screaming “I am here”. And, yelling it loud. It will tantrum. It will rattle the cages. I will make itself known and in bold, embarrassing ways.
This sacred core. This energetic life force. A womb of desire and divinity.
It has never felt like mine or been a part of me.
This center is where health blossoms and grows. Where flora multiply and create webs reaching far into the body. Where nourishment sits and processes. It is the deep grounding that is solid.
In this place lies my fears. My sadness. Aches. Pains. Histories. Memories. Anxieties. Worries. A mixing bowl of muckiness behind a great wall of cement. Block upon block with a mortar I have mixed and molded. There is great strength in this wall. A fortified fortress.
But behind it there are rages. The deepening realization that its greatest enemy is from within not beyond.
So, the wall is working its way down.
It is being breathed into and filled to capacity with air and imagination. It is being given the freedom to express itself and the open arms to accept what it shares.
It is being given touch and caress. It is being treated with honor through my fingertips and loved with a new light.
It is being given creativity. Memorialized with artwork through touch. A promise of acceptance and love sealed and tattooed on its surface.
All the work I have been doing will continue, but it is now being fueled by love. There will still be kombucha and probiotics. Healthy food and abundant water.
The love is tender and new right now. An innocent interest in what is there. What has always been there.
A determination to be whole. In physical appearance and in my mind. In my body and my spirit.
In me. All of me.